Avenue Q Musical Lyrics

Everyone's A Little Bit Racist

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Everyone's A Little Bit Racist Lyrics

    PRINCETON
    Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

    KATE MONSTER
    Sure!

    PRINCETON
    Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

    KATE MONSTER
    Uh huh.

    PRINCETON
    Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

    KATE MONSTER
    Right.

    PRINCETON
    You're both Monsters.

    KATE MONSTER
    Yeah.

    PRINCETON
    Are you two related?

    KATE MONSTER
    What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

    PRINCETON
    Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

    KATE MONSTER
    Well, it's a touchy subject.
    No, not all Monsters are related.
    What are you trying say, huh?
    That we all look the same to you?
    Huh, huh, huh?

    PRINCETON
    No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,
    I guess that was a little racist.

    KATE MONSTER
    I should say so. You should be much more
    careful when you're talking about the
    sensitive subject of race.

    PRINCETON
    Well, look who's talking!

    KATE MONSTER
    What do you mean?

    PRINCETON
    What about that special Monster School you told me about?

    KATE MONSTER
    What about it?

    PRINCETON
    Could someone like me go there?

    KATE MONSTER
    No, we don't want people like you-

    PRINCETON
    You see?!

    You're a little bit racist.

    KATE MONSTER
    Well, you're a little bit too.

    PRINCETON
    I guess we're both a little bit racist.

    KATE MONSTER
    Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

    PRINCETON
    But I guess it's true.

    KATE MONSTER
    Between me and you,
    I think

    BOTH
    Everyone's a little bit racist
    Sometimes.
    Doesn't mean we go
    Around committing hate crimes.
    Look around and you will find
    No one's really color blind.
    Maybe it's a fact
    We all should face
    Everyone makes judgments
    Based on race.

    PRINCETON
    Now not big judgments, like who to hire
    or who to buy a newspaper from -

    KATE MONSTER
    No!

    PRINCETON
    No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
    busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

    KATE MONSTER
    Right!

    BOTH
    Everyone's a little bit racist
    Today.
    So, everyone's a little bit racist
    Okay!
    Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
    But you laugh because
    They're based on truth.
    Don't take them as
    Personal attacks.
    Everyone enjoys them -
    So relax!

    PRINCETON
    All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

    KATE MONSTER
    Okay!

    PRINCETON
    There's a plan going down and there's only
    one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...

    KATE MONSTER
    And a black guy!

    GARY COLEMAN
    Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?

    KATE MONSTER
    Uh...

    GARY COLEMAN
    You were telling a black joke!

    PRINCETON
    Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.

    GARY COLEMAN
    I don't.

    PRINCETON
    Well, of course you don't - you're black!
    But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

    GARY COLEMAN
    Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!

    PRINCETON
    Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

    GARY COLEMAN
    Well, damn, I guess you're right.

    KATE MONSTER
    You're a little bit racist.

    GARY COLEMAN
    Well, you're a little bit too.

    PRINCETON
    We're all a little bit racist.

    GARY COLEMAN
    I think that I would
    Have to agree with you.

    PRINCETON & KATE MONSTER
    We're glad you do.

    GARY COLEMAN
    It's sad but true!
    Everyone's a little bit racist -
    All right!

    KATE MONSTER
    All right!

    PRINCETON
    All right!

    GARY COLEMAN
    All right!
    Bigotry has never been
    Exclusively white

    ALL
    If we all could just admit
    That we are racist a little bit,
    Even though we all know
    That it's wrong,
    Maybe it would help us
    Get along.

    PRINCETON
    Oh, Christ do I feel good.

    GARY COLEMAN
    Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

    PRINCETON
    Who?

    GARY COLEMAN
    Jesus Christ.

    KATE MONSTER
    But, Gary, Jesus was white.

    GARY COLEMAN
    No, Jesus was black.

    KATE MONSTER
    No, Jesus was white.

    GARY COLEMAN
    No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

    PRINCETON
    Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

    BRIAN
    Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

    GARY COLEMAN
    Racism!

    BRIAN
    Cool.

    CHRISTMAS EVE
    BRIAN! Come back here!
    You take out lecycuraburs!

    PRINCETON
    What's that mean?

    BRIAN
    Um, recyclables.
    Hey, don't laugh at her!
    How many languages do you speak?

    KATE MONSTER
    Oh, come off it, Brian!
    Everyone's a little bit racist.

    BRIAN
    I'm not!

    PRINCETON
    Oh no?

    BRIAN
    Nope!

    How many Oriental wives
    Have you got?

    CHRISTMAS EVE
    What? Brian!

    PRINCETON
    Brian, buddy, where you been?
    The term is Asian-American!

    CHRISTMAS EVE
    I know you are no
    Intending to be
    But calling me Oriental -
    Offensive to me!

    BRIAN
    I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

    CHRISTMAS EVE
    And I love you.

    BRIAN
    But you're racist, too.

    CHRISTMAS EVE
    Yes, I know.
    The Jews have all
    The money
    And the whites have all
    The power.
    And I'm always in taxi-cab
    With driver who no shower!

    PRINCETON
    Me too!

    KATE MONSTER
    Me too!

    GARY COLEMAN
    I can't even get a taxi!

    ALL
    Everyone's a little bit racist
    It's true.
    But everyone is just about
    As racist as you!
    If we all could just admit
    That we are racist a little bit,
    And everyone stopped being
    So PC
    Maybe we could live in -
    Harmony!

    CHRISTMAS EVE
    Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!