Les Miserables Musical Lyrics

Master Of The House

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Master Of The House Lyrics

    Thenardier greets a new customer

    THENARDIER
    Welcome, M'sieur
    Sit yourself down
    And meet the best
    Innkeeper in town
    As for the rest,
    All of 'em crooks
    Rooking their guests
    And cooking the books.
    Seldom do you see
    Honest men like me
    A gent of good intent
    Who's content to be

    Master of the house
    Doling out the charm
    Ready with a handshake
    And an open palm
    Tells a saucy tale
    Makes a little stir
    Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
    Glad to do a friend a favor
    Doesn't cost me to be nice
    But nothing gets you nothing
    Everything has got a little price!

    Master of the house
    Keeper of the zoo
    Ready to relieve 'em
    Of a sou or two
    Watering the wine
    Making up the weight
    Pickin' up their knick-knacks
    When they can't see straight
    Everybody loves a landlord
    Everybody's bosom friend
    I do whatever pleases
    Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

    THENARDIER & CHORUS
    Master of the house
    Quick to catch yer eye
    Never wants a passerby
    To pass him by
    Servant to the poor
    Butler to the great
    Comforter, philosopher,
    And lifelong mate!
    Everybody's boon companion
    Everybody's chaperone

    THENARDIER
    But lock up your valises
    Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

    To another new customer

    THENARDIER
    Enter M'sieur
    Lay down your load
    Unlace your boots
    And rest from the road

    Taking his bag

    This weighs a ton
    Travel's a curse
    But here we strive
    To lighten your purse
    Here the goose is cooked
    Here the fat is fried
    And nothing's overlooked
    Till I'm satisfied...

    Food beyond compare
    Food beyond belief
    Mix it in a mincer
    And pretend it's beef
    Kidney of a horse
    Liver of a cat
    Filling up the sausages
    With this and that

    Residents are more than welcome
    Bridal suite is occupied
    Reasonable charges
    Plus some little extras on the side!

    Charge 'em for the lice
    Extra for the mice
    Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
    Here a little slice
    There a little cut
    Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
    When it comes to fixing prices
    There are a lot of tricks he knows
    How it all increases
    All those bits and pieces
    Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

    THENARDIER & CHORUS
    Master of the house
    Quick to catch yer eye
    Never wants a passerby
    To pass him by
    Servant to the poor
    Butler to the great
    Comforter, philosopher,
    And lifelong mate!
    Everybody's boon companion
    Gives 'em everything he's got

    THENARDIER
    Dirty bunch of geezers
    Jesus! What a sorry little lot!

    MME. THENARDIER
    I used to dream
    That I would meet a prince
    But God Almighty,
    Have you seen what's happened since?
    `Master of the house?'
    Isn't worth me spit!
    `Comforter, philosopher'
    - and lifelong shit!
    Cunning little brain
    Regular Voltaire
    Thinks he's quite a lover
    But there's not much there
    What a cruel trick of nature
    Landed me with such a louse
    God knows how I've lasted
    Living with this bastard in the house!

    THENARDIER & CHORUS
    Master of the house.

    MME. THENARDIER
    Master and a half!

    THENARDIER & CHORUS
    Comforter, philosopher

    MME. THENARDIER
    Ah, don't make me laugh!

    THENARDIER & CHORUS
    Servant to the poor. Butler to the great.

    MME. THENARDIER
    Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!

    THENARDIER & CHORUS
    Everybody bless the landlord!
    Everybody bless his spouse!

    THENARDIER
    Everybody raise a glass

    MME. THENARDIER
    Raise it up the master's arse.

    ALL
    Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!